This Damning Fall Grey…

It is the duplicitous Janus
Of my life that tortures me,

Looking back on so many years
Of loneliness,

But now teasing,

Flaunting

Glimpses of future joy
And forever,

As if momentary glimmers
Of sunshine
Struggling to part the
Pain of autumn clouds.

Light,
Love,
Just there…

If only for a moment,

Just beyond
My outstretched fingertips,

Just an illusion of warmth
And illumination
For my heart.

But therein lies
The tortuous truth

And immutable reality…

I will never have you.

Your circumstances
Simply don’t allow…

You say.

You’re already in a relationship…

You say.

I’m just not quite good enough…

You say.

And all of those things
May be true…

But that doesn’t
Make me stop loving you.

All I can do now
Is look for the simple gifts
In life,

And be grateful for them.

The palette of colors,
Gracing that sugar maple,
Splashed before my eyes
As the sun set today.

The light
Of this bon fire,
Offering an island of warmth
To me,
Alone,
In the cold ocean of this November night.

The truth
In my bourbon,
Explaining to my heart
With the most artful of lies,
That things will get better.

All I can do now,
Is be grateful for these
Simple gifts in my life,

And plead

Plead that fate
Will lift me beyond

This damning fall grey…

Of missing you.

 
© 2018 W. C. Stacia, Jr.

55 thoughts on “This Damning Fall Grey…

    1. I’ve thought of that Mamen…and I’d love to do it…but find my time so limited. Maybe someday I can invest in a more holistic experience for the visitor.

      I’ve even thought about my own voice-over to read my words.

      Thoughts?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Not at all! I actually have had others recommend that. I’m keenly interested…just need to make sure that it adds value.

        The audio must compliment the verbiage. Do you know what I mean? Does that make sense?

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I like the reference to Roman God Janus with the two faces. That gives a very powerful beginning to your poem. While one face looks forward the other one still moves backward in this failed love relationship. The emotional climax of the poem is reached here as the impossibility to fullfil said love appears:

    “But therein lies
    The tortuous truth

    And immutable reality…

    I will never have you.”

    The last line comes as a… bang! Later on, when we as readers, learn that there is even another person involved in this former love relationship the tension increases again. Yet, mind and heart have different paths as Janus is two-faced and so the heart speaks again:

    “But that doesn’t
    Make me stop loving you.”

    Your lovely poem slightly reminds me of Lana Del Rey’s song about unrequited love, “Dark Paradise”:

    “All my friends tell me I should move on
    I’m lying in the ocean, singing your song
    Ah, that’s how you sing it
    Loving you forever, can’t be wrong
    Even though you’re not here, won’t move on”

    Link to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmWUUPl8DD4

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comments and analysis Marta!! I love how you have such a eye to assess language. It really is a magnificent skill!

      And I love that song as well. Really appreciate you including it.

      I hope you have a wonderful day!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are welcome, Bill. Singer-song writer Lana Del Rey is also like two-faced Janus. She is contradictory, thought provoking and often prone to self-destruction being the latter thing her worst side, no doubt, but her showing this dark part of herself is also realistic and honest at the same time. “Change” is one of my favorite songs, magical and full of hope though admitting weakness, which also compares to the last lines of your poem:

        “Plead that fate
        Will lift me beyond

        This damning fall grey…

        Of missing you.”

        There is vulnerability and strength here, both, again Janus appears, so beautifully and honestly expressed, Bill. It really provides a perfect ending to your poem. Sometimes fate is connected to hope and change as Lana Del Rey sings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stAHwZT364Q

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Marta…I so much appreciate what you bring to my words…explaining them so beautifully and so clearly…it’s lovely.

        I write these words while listening to Lana Del Rey singing “Change.” And consuming those lyrics makes your analysis all the more apropos.

        So many thanks, and know that you made my evening!!

        🙂 !!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Bill, it is just that I am always drawn to your poetry as it is not just beautiful and truthful, but relatable to my life. Also, I love the clarity and directness of your speech. Some poets are harder to connect with because of opacity and of extremely complex symbolisms, which means I need much longer to read and reread and analyze form and meaning. I like that too because I am an artistically, linguistically and literary oriented person. It simply takes much longer, and very often I do not have enough time. With you, instead, I immediately get the idea. 😉

        So glad you like “Change”. I am so addicted to Del Rey’s songs despite her controversial messages that too often foster women submission and even self-destruction. However, Del Rey is very talented.

        I still see the connection between your poems and Mario Savioni’s. Both of you deal with unrequited love(s), sadness, loneliness, emptiness, lust, sexual desire and memories of what makes a person temporarily happy but then such bliss fades. You both portray people in your poems that rejoice in those memories where a love relationship cannot last and so it remains one-sided. Like Janus, the two-faced question; on the one hand there is the hunger of the heart to rejoice in the memories and, on the other, the mind’s realisation of a love relationship(s) not being able to be fullfilled.

        I don’t know how you are receiving Blue Emptiness, but this is an excerpt from one of the many beautiful inserted poems in the story Mario tells, which I think speaks of the same love impossibility you deal with:

        “He sees and hears the silent space
        The ringing in his ear of someone’s face
        The memory in time
        The dream, the hope
        Dashed against coarse rocks of fact.
        He thinks of her
        He thinks of life
        How he wants the two to collide,
        But their jettison is two boats passing in a fog./
        He is longing, and she is not… ” (page 4)

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Oh Marta….so beautifully expressed. And, I am so pleased that my efforts resonate with you. I just want to find a way to bind words and structure to convey real-life feelings in a relatable manner. Having you enjoy my verse is an honor… so many thanks.

        And, I am enjoying Mario’s work very much! If you have any suggestions about specific pieces that pair well with Del Rey songs, maybe I’ll blend the two… reading while listening.

        As always, I am so grateful for your interest and support!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. And so am I with your lovely feedbacks. Some inserted poems of Blue Emptiness and other prose-poetry excerpts from the same book surely pair well with your work and Del Rey’s song-writing. Both you and Mario are men and objectify the women of your writing. Tell things from the male perspective. You, men, do this naturally and unconsciously. But you do it in a different manner than we women, who, on the other hand, also objectify men many a time. This is due to learnt cultural patterns and biological differences. The beautiful thing about you and Mario is that you both see beyond the thought of a woman as simply an object of sexual desire. You see the entirety of the female sex (soul, intelligence, personality in general); thus you show great respect and admiration for the women of your lit work.

        As for Del Rey, she expresses the women perpective, how she or other women very often feel abused by men, women submission as if accepting it (the one thing I do not like). However, Del Rey also offers deep insight into female nature as in song Old Money, where she wants to be loved by a man after her sexual beauty of a young woman fades:

        “Will you still love me when I shine
        From words but not from beauty”

        Just to finish, I strongly believe yours, Mario Savioni’s lit work and Del Rey’s song-writing are complementary.

        I am very glad you are liking Blue Emptiness.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. So many thanks Marta!! And I think you are spot on with your assessment of how I view women. It is so much more than a sexual perspective. It is one of being challenged and bested, being inspired, being held accountable, being respected and respecting them as humans, being the perfect complement to life, being the partner and mate and inspiration. That…and so much more…just a complex richness that I love and honor.

        I’ll continue through Mario’s book and supplement some Del Rey while doing so!

        I hope you have a wonderful evening!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. How very lovely… bourbon has a way of swirling in a glass, I can see that and the images that form there as it’s held up to the light. I can see the gray skies and the way they part if only for a moment. And I can feel the way November like the heartfelt missing…engulfs one like the ocean. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

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