I Just Can’t Quit

So…

I had a plan,
If only for a little while.

I was going
To focus on my work…

I was going
To commit to chores
Around the house…

I was going
To volunteer
For community service…

Anything to keep
My mind occupied,
Anything to get me past
The 21 day point…

That nominally accepted
Period to move one
Past an undesirable habit,

To a new

“Healthier” way of life.

In my case,
Now that you’re gone…

To move me beyond you,
To move me beyond us.

But at day 19,
I read a post
So witty,
And clever,
And razor-sharp,

That it drew my heart
Across your emotional blade,
Carving me open again.

And on day 20,
So close to the goal line,
I saw this beautiful,
Sassy,
Edgy woman,

And she took away my breath…

Almost as much as you did.

Then,
On day 21,

The day to matriculate
From the pain of the past,
To a new oasis of life,

I felt your whisper,

Just the slightest of summer’s
Evening breeze,
Cooling me…
Satisfying me…
Caressing me,

There…

There on my front step,
Watching the sun go down.

Just know,
Please know,

That I’ve tried so hard,
So hard to move on.

I committed
That for 3 weeks…

I wouldn’t think about you,
I wouldn’t dream about you,
I wouldn’t fantasize about you,

And just find a way to
Break those “bad habits.”

But…

I did it anyway.

I just can’t quit.

I just can’t stop loving you.

© 2018 W. C. Stacia, Jr.

24 thoughts on “I Just Can’t Quit

  1. The heart feels what it feels… whether we like it, or not. I really loved how you conveyed the amount of effort you put forth into trying to move forward. Some days, we seem like we are making progress – We meet people that steal our attention for a moment, but reality slaps us in the face and reminds us of those feelings that aren’t going anywhere, at least anytime soon. lol This is really a beautiful and heartfelt poem, Bill. I hope you can one day “kick the habit” and find some happiness again, my friend. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Brandi…I so much appreciate your comments and spot-on analysis. Maybe longing is the most powerful drug affecting our bodies…and breaking that cycle of thinking, and dreaming, and fantasizing is an enormous undertaking. Oh well…as I think we’ve discussed before, it’s all part of the painfully glorious, richly textured thing we call life.

      Hope you have wonderful and cool evening!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, Bill. 🙂

        Yeah, some things in life are hard to shake. They should definitely consider creating a “Longing Anonymous” group for those of us who can’t quite kick the habit. lol 😁

        Thank you for the well wishes, my friend! I hope you have a beautiful evening, as well. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry, buddy. Good luck with that. I’m going on years without even being able to abstain from him a single day. Sending you a hug and trying to manifest a curvy distraction to wherever you are…

    Liked by 1 person

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